Before coming into recovery, I was co-dependent and externally referenced. I had lost all sense of self and autonomy. My craving for approval and affirmation led me to desperate measures, lying, and even demoralizing acts. I was motivated by the anger of others and desperate to "play god" in trying to make everything alright for everyone else. I lived in hopelessness and moral depravity until I reached my bottom. Having a moment of epiphany, I believed I could finally have relief from all of my misery if I would end my life. I was so desperate for the ease and comfort I desired, that I began plotting my own death. I could see no other way out and had exhausted all of my own solutions and ideas. My efforts had failed.

I was first introduced to S-Anon by a friend. When she read the S-Anon problem to me, I thought it had been written about me. There was such a strong connection and resonating with me, that I immediately began seeking a phone meeting to attend as there were no face-to-face meetings in my area. After attending the phone meeting for nearly six months, I finally asked someone to sponsor me. I had been hesitant because I didn't want to impose on another human and believed that I wasn't worthy. My perfection hindered me from asking because I was afraid that I would pick the wrong sponsor. This woman had reached out to me and had been willing to talk through some hard times with me, so I asked her if she would be willing. It took me another six weeks to complete the first assignment because I needed the gift of desperation. When I finally reached that point, I was ready to do whatever it took for a spiritual solution. I was willing to follow her instructions and do whatever she asked of me.

Today, I live a happy, joyous and free life. When difficulties arise and I feel disturbed, I have a spiritual solution and a way of acting on life that works for me. I no longer need anti-depressants and wake up each day grateful to be alive. I actively live a life of giving to others and have found a freedom from seeking the approval of others that I never thought possible. Truly, working the steps with a recovered sponsor has changed my life, and I've watched it change the lives of those whom I have sponsored.

I have a new way of living that I never knew was possible.